Is your work the means to an end or the epicenter of your life? Most businesspeople, on a conscious or subconscious level, want superiors, peers and other constituents to believe they are one of those unselfish corporate types who do whatever it takes for the good of the company. Everything comes in second place: family, friends and one’s very existence, including creature comforts such as adequate sleep and eating three square meals at a table, not a desk. If that is you, then you have checked the “live to work” box.

But wait a second, does this really make a modicum of sense?

When I interview management candidates, after I have determined the interviewee might be a fit, I always ask: “What comes first, your family or your job?”

Those who immediately respond “my job” move down multiple notches on my scale of suitability if, in fact, I believe this is their permanent sentiment.

For a chance to play in the big leagues, most wannabe executives will do whatever it takes to make the lineup. The smart ones, however, know that just like a good novel, a business career has a beginning, middle and, hopefully, an abundance of exciting last chapters.

When aspiring managers begin ascending the corporate ladder, many work as if the clock has no hands. Toiling away at their desks from early morning to the wee hours of the night is an investment in the future to gain experience, a means to accomplishing meaningful objectives and, yes, to a certain degree, an opportunity to obtain face time, sometimes even vying for the coveted corporate appearance trophy. Those who go for appearance alone, without the meat on the bones of accomplishment, are easily unmasked as having a “big hat but no cattle.”

However, hitting the trifecta of experience, accomplishment and the ability to showcase a “get it done” work ethic makes for the complete package.

Once a manager reaches a certain midpoint in a career and has a few good people working for him, he moves from the role of solo doer to that of teacher and navigator who can successfully direct others along a process from point A to point B. Appearances are secondary at this point, as the key is what is in the package, not the wrapper.

During this stage, the middle manager should have that “aha” moment recognizing that business is not an all-or-nothing proposition and he can get a life. I admired any employee working for me who without equivocation would state he could not meet with me at a time that I requested because of another important commitment, which could be attending a kid’s ballgame or a first school play. This communicated volumes to me about the manager’s character and ability to balance priorities and make appropriate choices that fit the circumstances.

On other days, however, I would see this same manager looking like death warmed over the next morning because he just pulled an all-nighter to get the needed task done.

A real game-changer occurs when one reaches the ranks of senior executive with a team of players in the anteroom who are more than ready, willing and able to answer the bell. This gives the leader the opportunity to plan rather than just do, calling the signals instead of responding to them. Priorities change as the executive becomes a dreamer — a visionary who can look beyond today to tomorrow, identifying the future challenges and opportunities, and positioning the organization to respond to them.

In many respects, this is both the best of times and the worst of times. The best is that the leader has others to do the heavy lifting. This provides the executive the time to make other contributions, not just to the company but to his family and community, as well. The worst-of-times component is that the buck stops at the leader’s door. Important decisions have to be made daily, and that pressure can take a toll both mentally and physically. At this point in a career, the need to balance becomes something that is just not nice but necessary to endure the pressures at the top.

An all-time best fast-food jingle positively asserted, “Hold the pickle; hold the lettuce. Special orders don’t upset us,” with the payoff line of “Have it your way.” The secret of having it your way in business is learning when and how to balance a career with a fulfilling personal life.

From Smart Business Michael Feuer, reach him at mfeuer@max-ventures.com.

Valerie Fitzgerald specializes in luxury residential real estate in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica and Malibu. Valerie has more than 20 years of real estate experience and is known for her solid reputation in the West Los Angeles brokerage community. She’s also the author of the book published by Simon and Schuster Heart and Sold: How to Survive and Build a Recession-Proof Business. Buy it here.

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Many say time is one life’s most important luxuries.

Celebrities and the well-heeled are becoming more socially conscious – sharing their time, leveraging their power in the press and redefining what luxury means in the process.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher in new 2010 Prius. Birthday gift from Ashton to Demi.

On Wednesday, Ashton Kutcher bought wife Demi Moore a brand new Prius for her 47th birthday – trading in her ’04 model. Many would think what an unlikely gift from one superstar to another when Ashton could buy his wife any car in the world. What statement is the couple making? Perhaps the environment only has so much time if we don’t change how we treat it.

Time is precious and it’s a limited commodity. In the last year you might be finding yourself spending more time trying to make ends meet, close a deal, make buyers and sellers come to agreement. You also may have spent more time being disappointed or frustrated.

On the positive side, think of this as a time of learning and reflecting what’s most important in your life. When your life is stripped down to its essentials and the superfluous is removed we become more creative with our minds and our time.

Have you found yourself spending more time with the family at home instead of traveling? Finding time to read a book that’s been on your shelf for the last six months? Are you developing a closer relationship with a loved one because you are both developing the skill of cooking at home?

How are you spending your time differently these days?

What changes has it made in your life?

We celebrated the Grand Opening of The Carlyle with a sensational party. Check out the video. We’ll be having the ribbon cutting ceremony soon, I’ll keep you posted.

Watch this video and tell me what you think…

Instead of searching for possessions and achievements to make you happy, reflect on who you are and find authentic joy within.

We work so hard to have it all: a beautiful home, a loving partner, a successful job and more. But what happens when these successes don’t equal happiness in our lives and we’re left feeling unfulfilled, unsatisfied and unhappy? How do we get onto the road that leads to happiness? And what are we looking for?

It’s common to be unsure about what makes us happy, says psychologist Dr. Robert Holden, director of The Happiness Project in England. “Actually, it’s fair to say that often people don’t know,” he says. To help people figure that out, Dr. Holden runs Happiness NOW. The eight-week course enables participants to embark on a personal development journey to figure out what happiness means to them and how to find joy in their lives.

At the beginning of the program, participants are asked to make a list of possessions, achievements and events they hoped would bring them joy but didn’t. “We thought we knew in the past what made us happy, but that’s not always the case,” Dr. Holden says. “It’s quite difficult to know what makes you happy if you don’t really know yourself very well.”

According to Dr. Holden, you feel happiest when you do begin to get to know who you truly are. “The reason why we’re so interested in happiness is because we want to have an experience of our true self,” he says. “That’s the only reason we really want to be happy. We want to feel that lovely feeling of having no worries: You don’t feel pressure and you don’t really have to compare yourself to anyone. You just don’t have to be somebody.”

Keep in mind that if you’re looking for a person or place to truly make you blissful, you’ll be searching endlessly. “We’ve forgotten where happiness really is,” Dr. Holden says. “It’s your original nature. That’s why authenticity is the key to happiness—because the more true you are to yourself, the happier you’ll be.”

When you stray from the idea that happiness is inside of you, you start turning to people and things to make you happy, Dr. Holden says. “We’ve put happiness outside of ourselves; we’ve put it into our job, into our bank account, our relationships,” he says. “You’ve become so preoccupied with the search for happiness that you’ve actually forgotten that you’re already happy. Searching mode makes happiness external: It’s an outward-directed activity. Following your joy is an internal one.”

Once you focus on finding happiness inside yourself and you’re in tune with your authentic self, how easy is it to remain in this state of bliss? “To stay happy, you have to just keep tuning into happiness inside you. That makes it less of a workout, which requires blood, sweat and tears. Lots and lots of effort.”

By Stephanie Mitchell