Who’s Got Your Back: The breakthrough program to build deep, trusting relationships that create success – and won’t let you fail, written by Keith Ferrazzi, shows readers that to become winners in any field of endeavor requires a trusted team of advisors who can offer guidance and help to hold us accountable to achieving our goals.

This is an excerpt from the first step Keith describes in Eight Steps To Instant Intimacy. While I could list in detail all eight, I find it most strategic to focus on one of the elements for the day. I plan to share the other seven in the future. I’d love to hear how you share and reveal your authentic side to others or within the workplace.

Create an Authentic Environment Around You

Authenticity is really about who you are. Take my aunt Rose. She was the kind of person who just made you feel welcome when you walked into a room. You always felt like she was on your side somehow. She was someone you would love to have in your inner circle – the kind of person you could be completely open with and still feel safe.

So how do such people do it? It actually pretty simple. And each of us can do it, too. It starts with authenticity – the art of getting real.

“The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to be someone else,” said the poet E.E. Cummings. It’s true.

Authenticity is about knowing who you are and not trying to come across as someone or something you are not. It’s about getting outside yourself and attempting to genuinely connect with another person.

Have you ever walked into a room completely intimidated in advance, having psyched yourself out before you got to the door? The first step is to get grounded.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Let the other person see who you are and what you have to offer – your concern, your interest, your passion, your intelligence, your skill. Listen to that authentic inner voice. Meditate for several minutes or just take a few deep breaths. Exercise, sometimes can help you empty your mind and find that inner voice.

Eight Steps To Instant Intimacy

1. Create an Authentic Environment Around You Suspend Your Prejudices
2. Suspend Your Prejudices
3. Project the Positive
4. Share Your Passions
5. Talk about Your Goals and Dreams
6. Revisit Your Past
7. What’s Keeping You Up at Night?
8. Future Fears

The Valerie Fitzgerald Group specializes in luxury residential real estate in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica and Malibu. Valerie has more than 20 years of real estate experience and is known for her solid reputation in the West Los Angeles brokerage community. She’s also the author of Heart and Sold: How to Survive and Build a Recession-Proof Business.

The penthouses at The Carlyle are sensational and the views stunning….check it out!

About The Carlyle Residences

These new Los Angeles hi-rise luxury condos on the Wilshire Corridor are an oasis in the modern world. The Carlyle Residences from ELAD Properties, developer of NYs Plaza Hotel, brings the most anticipated new luxury construction to L.A.

Incredible volume with 11 ft ceilings, spacious layout, 3bd/4.5ba, private elevator foyer, gourmet kitchen by Poggenpohl with Miele appliances, stunning city & ocean views. 24-hr concierge access/valet/doorman, fitness center by Sports Club/LA, pool, private dining, wine cave, lounge, entertaining room with full catering kit. Grand 2-story lobby featuring Chihuly & Fendi CASA.

To preview the property contact the sales office at 301-209-0000.

I’m ditching the hard hat!  The Carlyle is close to completion and we are all very excited as we watch the finishing touches be made.

Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don’t want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can’t handle conflict? Do you take things personally?

Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that creating stronger boundaries is the number one way for most women to improve their lives. Here she shows you how to stand up for yourself! Set personal boundaries and free yourself from the “disease to please” with these three steps!

Step One: Self Awareness

The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness. For example, pay close attention to the situations when you lose energy, feel a knot in your stomach, or want to cry. Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is the first step.

Another way to identify your boundaries is by completing these three sentences with at least 10 examples.

People may not ___________.

Click for Examples

I have a right to ask for ____________.

Click for Examples

To protect my time and energy, it’s OK to _________________.

Click for Examples

Step Two: Setting Your Boundaries

Start setting simple but firm boundaries with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.

• Be sure to have support in place before and after each conversation. If you can’t find support from a friend or family member, you may be successful finding a friend online.

• Vent any strong emotions with your partner before having your boundary conversation.
• Use simple, direct language.

Examples:

To set a boundary with an angry person:
“You may not yell at me. If you continue, I’ll have to leave the room.”

To set a boundary with personal phone calls at work:
“I’ve decided to take all personal calls in the evening in order to get my work done. I will need to call you later.”

To say no to extra commitments:
“Although this organization is important to me, I need to decline your request for volunteer help in order to honor my family’s                 needs.”

To set a boundary with someone who is critical:
“It’s not okay with me that you comment on my weight. I’d like to ask you to stop.”

To buy yourself time when making tough decisions:
“I’ll have to sleep on it, I have a policy of not making decisions right away.”

To back out of a commitment:
“I know I agreed to head up our fundraising efforts, but after reviewing my schedule, I now realize that I won’t be able to give it my         best attention. I’d like to help find a replacement by the end of next week.

To set a boundary with an adult child who borrows money:
“I won’t be lending you money anymore. I love you and you need to take responsibility for yourself.”

• When setting boundaries, there is no need to defend, debate, or over-explain your feelings. Be firm, gracious and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request.

• Back up your boundary with action. Stay strong. If you give in, you invite people to ignore your needs.

Step Three: Strengthen Your Internal Boundaries

One of the reasons that women take things personally is because they have weak “internal boundaries.” An internal boundary is like an invisible shield that prevents you from taking in a comment without checking it out first. For example, when someone accuses you of being arrogant, stop and consider the statement before taking it in.

When you use this internal shield, especially with difficult people like an ex-spouse or critical parent, it gives you time to ask yourself the following three questions:

• How much of this is true about me?
• How much of this is about the other person?
• What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?

This last question is very important. Too often women neglect to stand up for themselves by avoiding confrontation and end up weakening their internal shield, making it harder to set boundaries at all. So, if someone offends you, it may be necessary to let them know in order to protect and strengthen your internal boundaries.

From Oprah.com

Valerie Fitzgerald specializes in luxury residential real estate in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica and Malibu. Valerie has more than 20 years of real estate experience and is known for her solid reputation in the West Los Angeles brokerage community. She’s also the author of Heart and Sold: How to Survive and Build a Recession-Proof Business. Find it at Amazon.com.

If you are coming from a position of spirit and not from one of ego-inspired, got-to-have-it-all greed, if you want more in life, and if you are willing to do the work, read on.

It takes awareness and courage.

Quit complaining about the negative conditions that you might have created. Leave whatever does not serve you in the past where it belongs.

Overachiever Rocky Balboa summed it up perfectly in Rock IV when he said, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I can change, and yous can change, everybody can change.” You can change too, if you are willing.

Right now is the only time that you have to create what you inspire to be, do and have. Don’t hesitate!

Accomplished musicians suggest that great music originates and is played between the notes: not the previous notes, not the following notes, but now.

Eastern philosophy claims that pure creativity occurs in the gap between thoughts: not the previous thoughts, not the following thoughts, but now.

Metaphysicians declare that everything you could possibly want in life is within your grasp, or it is on its way now.

Actor Anthony Hopkins once said, “ Today is the tomorrow that I worried about yesterday.” Why worry? It is such a waste of time and focus, and it places limitations on your future.

I would like to change that quote to read, “Today is the tomorrow that I consciously and intentionally created yesterday.”

The only time you can count on is now. Stay conscious and orchestrate the today that you desire and deserve.

From Ole Carlson’s book Aspire, Three Powerful Strategies for Creating More of What You Want, Now.

Valerie Fitzgerald specializes in luxury residential real estate in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica and Malibu. Valerie has more than 20 years of real estate experience and is known for her solid reputation in the West Los Angeles brokerage community. She’s also the author of Heart and Sold: How to Survive and Build a Recession-Proof Business. Find it at Amazon.com.